


She Will Be Loved

by journeytomars



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alcoholics Anonymous, Ex Girlfriends, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Grief
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-29 02:00:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18216674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/journeytomars/pseuds/journeytomars
Summary: “Soccer is the only thing keeping me alive. When I lost you... I lost me.”





	She Will Be Loved

**Author's Note:**

> It’s going to be a rocky road. I’ve had this thought in my head for a while now so I’m getting it out now. Read the end notes. Hope you enjoy. :)

**Day 364:**

 

It’s been almost a year. A year since I heard your voice, I felt your touch, and I smelled your bubbly perfume. What happened... you said forever. You promised me forever. This isn’t the forever I wanted. I’m flying tomorrow. I’ve been gone for almost a year, ~~kind of like you.~~ There’s always going to be something missing. I ran from the world. All I do is play, I go to practice and I go to games. I don’t stop and talk. I barely talk. I barely know who I am. I changed my number and address. What am I supposed to do, without you? I want to hang up my cleats and retire my name on the back of every jersey ever made. I want to quit running from everyone, but I can’t. Soccer is the only thing keeping me alive. When I lost you... I lost me. I’ve decided. I’m going back home. I’m playing for our club and country again. I’ve done what I needed to do here and I’m closing this story. ~~I’m closing our life together.~~ This life we made together, no longer exists. What do I say to everyone... hi I’m back? Or I’m sorry I’ve been gone. I’m sorry I denied everyone. I ran. I did what I do best. Do I even say I’m sorry? Do I even say anything? I’m only going back for the game. How do I face the people who wanted to love me? How do I face the fans? How do I face you? ... you took my heart with you. ~~364 days.~~     365 days.

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                        _Yours,_

_x_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Good evening passengers,_
> 
> _We would like to thank you for flying with us. We will be landing shortly at LAX, the time is currently 1:05 pm and the sun is shining today. Please make sure you grab everything from the overhead compartment and double check your seats. Please leave any trash on your chair or hand it to one of us when you leave. Your bags will be at baggage claim number 6 and the screen will read BOS flight arrived and on time. We will be landing in 15 minutes, please put your large electronics up and your trays should be upright now. Thanks again, please travel with us in the future.”_

 

I lazily put my glasses back on and grab both my bags. I quickly look around hoping nobody has noticed me yet. I’m in first class and luckily in the second row. This plane didn't offer private seating and reclining seats.. just a curtain separating club members from business and basic economy. My manager should already be inside so we can quickly depart. He has on a simple disguise as well... better safe than sorry. I’m hoping my rather lame disguise works… I rather not have paparazzi or fans bothering me currently. I will never be or act ungrateful to fans but now isn’t the best time to be asking me thousands of questions. I know people have plenty to say and I’m not ready for it.

I finally feel the plane land and I take a rather deep breath. I’m getting nervous and I grab my bags tightly. I see all the people standing in the large windows and I wonder if I know anyone inside. I'm preparing to bust down the terminal and into my next chapter of life. ~~Here goes nothing… it’s only been a year.~~  Holy shit, it's been a year. The man in front of me gets up and offers me a small smile. We spoke before the flight since we came from the same flight earlier, he's going to Santa Monica for a family reunion. I told him I'm heading home from a long vacation away, we only made small talk. I take one more deep breath before stepping into the aisle. I thank the flight attendants and pilot before hurrying to the restroom. The main restroom was busy so I slipped into the family restroom for some extra privacy. My phone immediately starts vibrating with messages from my manager and ~~current~~  now past teammates. I quickly text him back letting him know my baggage claim number. I check myself out... black sweatpants no team logo, basic black pullover, simple Nike tennis shoes and a hat. I've kept my head down the whole time and I rarely exchange looks with anyone. I had a few close calls earlier but navigated around people and televisions. I tilt my hat down put on some dark shades, grab my bags and proceed to baggage claim. Please no one see me... 

 

 

 

The airport is busy with people running to their family and friends. Nicely dressed men and women hurrying to their rental cars or Ubers. Then there are the random families who are obviously here for family vacations.. moms are taking pictures of everything and anything. I see drunk college students already getting into trouble. I feel my anxiety getting high. All the noise, all the people, and all the pressure to be who I was a year ago.

I immediately spot my manager. He gives me a brief nod while holding my luggage. I left in such a rush I barely packed anything. I have a small duffel holding my training clothes and a few other items and my backpack... which is holding a book, snacks, and random objects from teammates. He's only holding a small traveler that I purchased a few days ago when I decided to possibly come back. I knew I couldn't fit all my new clothes and items in it... I packed and unpacked a million times until a few of my teammates encouraged me to do what was best for me... and my career. The team, coaches, and managers were seriously great, they never asked questions or answered any. I didn't stay on the pitch after the final whistle, home or away but I would allow workers and teammates to bring me any customized jerseys or signs to autograph while I sat in the locker room. 

 

 

 

 

 

I walk up to him and quickly look around. No one has noticed me yet. I see on the nearby television at the small overpriced Starbucks a headline about me. I want to bust out of the airport and sprint far far far away. Maybe I shouldn't have come back. I'm running on three hours of sleep and several.... his voice pulls me out of the clouds.

"You ready to go?" His voice is soft, and he offers me a sincere smile. 

"I guess, is it too late to go back?" I offer a shoulder shrug and grab my bag from him. "Let me take this since I put you through hell..."

"I understand. At least you kept playing. It was probably good for you to stay out of the media... for a…uhm year... You don't have any meetings today, tomorrow, but we are meeting with the council Friday. You may want to address a few rumors or questions this weekend, so it doesn't make things harder when you arrive to camp." He points to his black SVU and I notice there's another passenger. I slowly walk over when I recognize who it is.. I sigh with relief. I toss my luggage in. 

"We can put out a simple statement. I'm not ready to talk to anyone. I just want to lay low until I absolutely must talk to someone. And I mean that." I slam the trunk shut and slide into the backseat while I listen to the conversation going on between my agent and whomever else. I notice how tinted the windows are and slowly take off my lame disguise. I grab my backpack and pull out a new set of sweatpants and a simple t-shirt. I change quickly while the conversation comes to an end. I put my hat and glasses back on for precautionary measure.

 

 

 

"Hey, I have to go. She's in the car now. She won't be leaving for her apartment until later this weekend and she won't be there long. Her schedule is going to be busy, but we'll figure things out. Bye, talk to you later." He hangs up and immediately turns to face me. "You look very small. Did you eat?"

 I nod. They don't have to know what was exactly going on while I was gone. "I'll choose to believe you. That was one hell of a last game." I smile at him... unsure what to say next.

 

 

 

 

"Does anyone know where I'm staying... has it hit the news yet?" I cringe... I didn't even want to be on the news, but someone leaked the information on accident, and I heard it spread like wildfire. 

 

"One. No one knows that you're even in LA. Two. Yes... just a bit ago before we left to get you. You know everything is going to be okay... right?"

All I can do is nod. I rather not keep talking or thinking about the possibilities. "Can we just.. go? I need some rest and time to think, now that I'm back."

 

"Of course," They both say. "When we get to the hotel, you can do whatever you need to do." My agent and manager offer small smiles and water while we start our drive back. Here goes nothing...  I look out the window and feel my eyes slowly closing. The sound of the radio draining out their voices and I can't help but think about you. ~~I love you.~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_"And she will be loved And she will be loved And she will be loved And she will be loved (Please don't try so hard to say goodbye) I don't mind spending every day"_

I hear the ringtone but I don't feel like rolling over... I know who's calling and I'm not sure why. I check the clock and it's half past three... in the morning. I remove my phone from the wireless charger and slide over. "Hey ba-,"

I hear a voice I recognize and my heart immediately drops. "You need to come here as soon as possible, please hurry."

I don't even have time to ask any questions. I quickly jump out of bed, I don't what I'm doing and why. All I know is I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown and I'm panicking. "WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO." I grab my keys, wallet, and phone. I slam my door shut and quickly lock the apartment up. 

 

I can't even move. My body and mind are going completely numb. "You need to come here as soon as possible, please hurry" just keeps playing in my head. I dial one of the only numbers I have memorized. It goes straight to voicemail. "DAMN IT!" I scream at the universe a few times while slamming my hands on the car door. I finally gather myself to start the car and throw it in reverse. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey baby, I don't know what's going on. Your mom just called me on your phone. Are you okay... did something happen while you were visiting? I thought you guys were supposed to being going out.... Why did your mom call me on your phone?" I start crying, I don't even know why. I just know something is wrong. Very wrong. "Babe. I know I will see you shortly, I hope you're okay. I hope everyone is okay but I really hope you're okay. I love you. I love you now and I will always love you. Later." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My body jolts completely. My head is pounding, my heart is racing, and I can't see anything. I only hear muffled voices and a sharp ringing. I scream.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment down below... who do you think is going through some pain?  
> There are going to be plenty of woso people involved. There are a few trigger warnings throughout the story but I'll try to give plenty of heads up. There is mention of death, alcoholism, self-harm so I'll make sure to mark those chapters with warnings. It's not a dark story just has a few hard moments. Let me know how you're feeling, people you want featured, or just random things. I also have a few people helping with this and a few people editing. Editing will probably come a day or two after chapters are published so ignore errors for now. :)


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